“Alien: Resurrection”

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THE ALIEN ACID-FUELED REVIEW: The last film in this marathon is “Alien: Resurrection,” which stars Sigourney Weaver (You Again, Crazy on the Outside), Winona Ryder (Edward Scissorhands, Black Swan), Dominique Pinon (Amelie, Delicatessen), Ron Perlman (Hellboy, Hand of God [TV series]), Gary Dourdan (Perfect Stranger, Imposter), Michael Wincott (The Crow, The Count of Monte Cristo), Dan Hedaya (The Usual Suspects, Blood Simple), J.E. Freeman (Miller’s Crossing, Wild at Heart), Brad Dourif (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Dune), Raymond Cruz (Breaking Bad [TV series], The Closure [TV series]), and Leland Orser (Taken, Se7en). It is directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet (Amelie, The City of Lost Children) and written by Joss Whedon (The Avengers, Serenity). 200 years after the events of “Alien 3,” we find that scientists have cloned Ripley (Weaver) as well as the queen alien inside of her. All an attempt to study the new species, these government workers don’t know what they have just unleashed onto their ship, and it will take the Ripley clone and a new crew to destroy the aliens.

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Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Why was this ever made? Yes, I can understand that money was the sole reason, but still: why? I knew that the “Alien” films were getting worse with every release, but I didn’t expect this one to flop so badly. I mean, guys, this was awful. There is almost nothing good about it. It is terrible, horrendous, and an embarrassment to the “Alien” franchise, and I’ll tell you why. For one, the story is a squandered, hollow mess. As you can tell by the plot description I have given, the government has finally been able to study the alien species that Ridley tried to destroy. Sounds like a doable story, right? Wrong. The “government” that is studying these aliens lies in the confines of a rusty ship which can pretty much be destroyed to get rid of the species. Basically, it is the same stinking situation as all of the other movies, except this one fails at making anything new interesting. I wasn’t scared and I didn’t care. I just wanted to flick to end. Not only was the plot line horrible, but it was also incredibly convenient. Everything that happened in this film seemed to go towards its action, so all sense in a logical story was thrown out the window, leaving us with hilariously bad scenes, including a basketball sequence. What made matters worse for this release is its characters. Goodness gracious, everyone was expendable, even Ripley. They brought nothing to the table, weren’t developed, and horribly acted. What this film tries to do is throw you right into the heat of things. There is not much build up, let alone explanation, as to what is going on, and when we are introduced to these new characters, it is so brief that you can tell that their sole purpose is to shoot aliens and die. I couldn’t connect with anyone, and it was awful that I couldn’t even feel for Ripley. She was a clone who didn’t choose a side between people or alien, she was just there to get her paycheck. I couldn’t tell what her drive was or if she even cared of what was going on around her. As for the villains, they were non-existent. Sure, the government is supposed to be the bad guys, but they get screwed over so fast that there isn’t any time for the plot to summon a central opponent. The aliens could be the main bad guys, but they didn’t scare me and did me a favor when they killed off a character. Aside from the characters, the special effects were so-so. There were quite a bit of great visuals in this, including outer shots showing the ships, but other things, like full-body shots of aliens, were cringeworthy. If there is anything I can firmly say that is good about this, it would be how I can sit through it. It’s not so bad that I had to turn it off, but that isn’t much of a compliment. To be honest, the first fifteen minutes weren’t that bad. I could’ve seen an okay film coming out of this one, but I didn’t receive it. Instead, I was given a pile of crap which bares the “Alien” name. Don’t watch this, for you will regret it. FINAL SCORE: 29%= Burnt Popcorn

This movie has been inducted into The Burnt Hall of Shame.

Here is the trailer:

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One response to ““Alien: Resurrection”

  1. Pingback: MAY MOVIE RANKINGS | Juicy Reviews·

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