MOVIE REVIEW: “Gods of Egypt” stars Brenton Thwaites (The Signal, The Giver), Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Oblivion, Game of Thrones [TV series]), Gerard Butler (300, Olympus Has Fallen), Elodie Yung (G.I. Joe: Retaliation, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo ), Courtney Eaton (Mad Max: Fury Road, Status Update ), Chadwick Boseman (42, Captain America: Civil War), Geoffrey Rush (Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Shakespeare in Love), and Bryan Brown (Along Came Polly, Cocktail). It is directed by Alex Proyas (I Robot, Knowing) and is written by Matt Sazama (Dracula Untold, The Last Witch Hunter) and Burk Sharpless (Power Rangers , Dracula Untold). In ancient Egypt, where Gods rule over man, one mortal will help a God reclaim the thrown of the desert when an all-powerful, evil God steals it away, plunging Egypt into darkness and slavery.
I can’t begin to explain how low my expectations were walking into “Gods of Egypt.” From the horrifying trailer to the craptastic critical/fan reviews, this film felt like a stinker right out of the gate. I don’t mean to knock down a movie that people may have worked hard on, but when you make something bad, you have to be told. Surprisingly enough, this wasn’t the atrocity that I thought it would be. Sure, it isn’t good, but it isn’t a complete pile of garbage, and that may be because of my rock bottom expectations. Looking at the story, I can tell that the writers really wanted to make something epic. Heck, the idea did seem promising when I look at the big picture. When they put the pen to paper and held the camera to the actors, however, any idea they may have had flopped. Why? Well…it’s really a combination of everything. I enjoy films that look at ancient Egypt; ones that depict mythology and give exciting adventures. This would’ve been that movie if they just made it exciting. Nothing really grabbed me in this as everything that held this plot together was rather mediocre. We are dealt with a revenge story, one that needs to have a lesson at the end. I’m on board for this, but how they wrote it really crushed my spirits. From the very beginning, the writers spoon fed me the plot, making it highly predictable and all the more disappointing. I couldn’t think for myself! It was like they took my hand, walked me through the plan of the film, and then reiterated it for me once they got to certain objectives of that said plan. For example, Bek (Thwaites), the main mortal character, takes a look at a scroll that gives the blueprints of a vault he wants to steal from. Subsequently, he also digs up the blueprints to this evil king’s power source. It told him how to get inside, how to unlock it, and how to disarm it. Of course, Bek had to mention it, and ask about it, giving the audience the clue that this will come up later in the feature. It was annoying, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Along with how this plot line is structured, the dialogue was often terrible. It was basic, yet trying to sound like it’s from ancient times, and many of the things said can come off as silly or weird. This in turn affects our characters, who are all underwhelming. I didn’t care for any of them or their situations because they weren’t developed enough or given proper, gritty dialogue to make them relatable. They were essentially there to push the story forward, and I felt sorry for the actors, because most of them tried their best. Gerard Butler did an okay job, but his character was nothing but evil. I was given little insight into him as all he wanted to do was take over everything for no reason, often yelling to do so. The rest of the cast ranged from bad to passable. Chadwick Boseman had to have been the worst, and that was shocking. I couldn’t stand his character and every time he spoke I felt like choking him out. The writers could’ve written him that way on purpose, but I couldn’t take anymore of him. As for the visual effects…well…they weren’t that good. I don’t think that there was a single moment in this where they actually used a real set, and it shows. Some of their special effects don’t look that bad, but I can definitely tell what is CGI and what isn’t. The green screens and CGI animals can be cringeworthy, and it makes the experience even less enjoyable. With all of these awful attributes, why would I say that it isn’t a heaping pile of trash? To be honest, I was content in watching it. It wasn’t like I wanted to leave the room because there were a few things I did like about it. They were all minor, but enough to save this of a horrifying score. Overall, I wouldn’t recommend anyone to see this. Even though I found it to not be awful, it surely isn’t worth anyone’s time. FINAL SCORE: 59%= Burnt Popcorn
This movie has been inducted into The Burnt Hall of Shame.
Here is the trailer: