“Colossal”

FRIDAY NIGHT/GREEN JEANS MOVIE REVIEW: “Colossal” stars Anne Hathaway (Interstellar, The Princess Diaries), Jason Sudeikis (Masterminds [2016], Son of Zorn [TV series]), Austin Stowell (Bridge of Spies, Whiplash [2014]), Tim Blake Nelson (O Brother Where Art Thou?, Minority Report [2005]), and Dan Stevens (Downton Abbey [TV series], Beauty and the Beast [2017]). It was written and directed by Nacho Vigalondo (Timecrimes, Open Windows). Gloria (Hathaway), a woman who recently broke up with her boyfriend Tim (Stevens), heads back to her hometown to figure out her next step. However, her plans change when she realizes that she can control a monster that appears in Seoul, South Korea at a specific time in the morning.

So, “Colossal” is about Anne Hathaway controlling a monster who attacks Seoul, South Korea around 8:05 a.m. At least, that’s what I think…is it? If you have not seen this flick, you should consider yourself lucky; it’s quite the conundrum to figure out. Reviewing it proves to be a challenge because of how I don’t know what to say. Where do I start? I guess with the story, which is one of the most convoluted tales I have seen in a long time. Anne Hathaway is a bubbling alcoholic who gets kicked out of her British boyfriend’s apartment only to end up back in her hometown to “reconnect with herself.” That was the first storyline the filmmaker of this approached with. Once she ran into Jason Sudeikis, things took a landslide for the most peculiar. I honestly don’t know what I watched. The plot and characters change as frequently as a bed-wetter’s sheets, and by the end of it I was left with a completely different movie. What happened!? To explain would spoil the feature, which is a bummer because it’s the backbone to this entire fiasco. Motives are altered, weirdness ensues, and many scenes that represented a past plot line eventually become filler due to the rampant amount of new ideas being crammed. That amount isn’t a lot when looking at this picture as a whole, but it’s enough to make your head spin. Mine sure did, and I laughed along the way because of how silly it became. The concept itself is promising and original. Hathaway’s character controls a monster that appears in a different country when she steps on a playground at a specific time. Consequences follow, but unfortunately they are the most bizarre and separate from the structure of this plot. Unpredictable and unnecessary loads of crap got flung across the screen (metaphorically), from a love square (one more guy than a triangle) to a character that turns delusional for no reason whatsoever. What lacked in this movie was back story to give reason to all the changes. While it made these moments unpredictable, it left me completely and utterly in the dark as to figuring out what it all meant. This isn’t “Lost,” where there is hidden meaning behind it. The theme of this feature was easy to point out of how one woman picks herself up and makes something of herself. How she got to this point, however, was so misconstrued and convoluted that my mind felt like a bag of spaghetti afterwards. It was terrible, but it made me question if this was the writer’s motive. No one would seriously conjure up this story leaving several plot holes along the way, right? I’ve been proved wrong before, but I believe that this is a case where the filmmaker had no clue what he was doing. If he wanted to confuse me, he succeeded. Heck, I think he confused a lot of people because so much nonsense was shoehorned into this shallow foundation of a plot. The performances were alright, as well as the cinematography and visual effects, but the story couldn’t do any of it justice. What was promoted was not what I received, and while I always appreciate the unpredictable, this was just ridiculous. Besides that small list of pros I listed, there isn’t much this offers. I was given no closure, but a hollow shell of what the film started with. Everything was crazy on a subdued level, which was enough to make me almost go insane watching it. What’s the meaning behind it all? Why would the filmmaker make his film feel like an amalgamation of several ideas he had for different routes of the same story? Trying to get the answers to these questions is as easy as me getting my time back for watching “Colossal.” Though I don’t find the movie to be an abomination, I do see it as a broken puzzle scrambled with pieces from other sets. For that, I must give it a bad rating, no matter how original or unpredictable it is. FINAL SCORE: 57%= Burnt Popcorn

Here is the trailer:

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